Thursday, November 29, 2012

Genius Clowns

Believe it or not, geniuses do have a sense of humor.  It’s often a slightly twisted and weird sense of humor, but they do have one.  You just have to learn how to appreciate it.

A few months ago, I came into work to find that Big Foot had visited my desk.  Seriously…Big Foot.  Apparently the big hairy guy does exist and likes to sneak into my building in the middle of the night and walk around on my desks  He even left me foot prints and tuffs of fur.  Which was actually really gross.


As I stood in front of my desk staring at the obvious irrefutable evidence that Big Foot is real, I started to giggle.  Why am I giggling?  Because I didn’t get it.  Nope, I wasn’t getting the joke and that was the funniest part to me.  I’d been punked.  To this day I still have no idea who punked me, no one has claimed responsibility.  They got me…clowns.  But don't worry, two can play this game.

Bottom line, geniuses can be funny…twisted, weird and completely random…but hilarious too.

Clowns…Genius Clowns…this is what I’m dealing with.

Monday, November 26, 2012

GuacFest 2012

GuacFest 2012.  Because nothing says Thanksgiving like Guacamole.

No lie…this is an actual event in my office.  How was this event started?  Because Engineers are ultra-competitive people and someone started talking smack.  A food challenge was issued and it turned into an annual homemade guacamole recipe contest.  There is even a trophy involved.  Actually, it’s really just an excuse for a bunch of research scientists to eat food…not that a reason was really necessary.  (haha)
However this year, we decided to expand the food options and people not participating in the guacamole contest could bring in whatever food item they liked.  One of our team members decided to bring in a crock-pot full of roasted shaved beef and serve sandwiches at GuacFest.  It smelled fantastic, but she didn’t want to keep it in her office while it continued to cook.  So she decided to take it to the break-room upstairs in our building and left it…UNATTENDED!  Not even a post-it note on it saying “Do not touch”.  She’d obviously lost her mind.

Now here is something you have to understand about engineers and scientists, they are mostly men and they LOVE to eat.  If you leave food out ANYWHERE in the building unattended and without a note on it (sometimes even with a note on it) they WILL eat it.  It’s like watching a pack of wolves attack a roasted turkey.  You’ll lose a limb if you try to get in the way.
When we discovered she’d left the food in the break room, we decided we had to take steps to prevent scavengers from cleaning out the crock-pot before GuacFest.

 Yep, that should do it.  No one went near it.  People tend to stay away from our group’s experiments. J
Beef was safe, GuacFest was a hit (judging was fierce)…but who won?  The one person who wasn’t bragging about her guacamole being the best.  Well played my friend…well played.

Next up…Cookie Jubilee on December 14th.  Oh I got this…

Friday, November 23, 2012

I am surrounded by “smart” people.

I am surrounded by “smart” people.  True story. 

I live and work with a bunch of people who are so intelligent it’s frightens me sometimes, but I often wonder how they found their way out of the garage that morning.

I live with an Engineer, I work with Engineers, hell I’m even related to Engineers.  And trust me when I say, they are a different breed.  Most of the “smart” people I know could design a space ship, but also have difficulty operating the coffee machine at the office.

I can’t count how many times I’ve received a phone call at my desk around 8:30am by a frantic engineer saying “the coffee machine is broken, can you fix it”.  Seriously people, do NOT mess with an Engineer and his daily intake of caffeine.  I’ve seen people try and it never ends well. 

Now you wouldn’t think having to rescue an un-caffeinated PhD from the evil broken coffee machine would be that big of a deal right? Wrong!  Once again, Engineers without coffee isn’t pretty.  They tend to stare at you blankly until a complete thought forms in their brain, without caffeine…this could take awhile.

I also need to point out that we have two very large buildings and 10 coffee stations throughout them.  And for some reason, they all like to have issues between 8 – 9am on Monday mornings.  Since I do all the coffee ordering for our department (I won’t share with you the obscene amount of money the company spends on it), my co-workers seem to be operating under the delusion that I’m also the coffee machine repair woman.  Apparently I am Wonder Woman of the Keurig!  I  just need a cape, and maybe those cool bracelets.

Typically, the machines just need one minor adjustment to make them work properly again, but I have yet to meet one person I work with who’s tried this technique before calling me.  No, no…it’s much easier for them to call me pissed off because they’re late to a meeting and “the fucking coffee machine is broken again”. 

They just need to be unplugged and plugged back in.  That’s it.  Turn it off…turn it back on.  Wax on…wax off….come Grasshopper, let me train you in the ways of the Keurig.  Wax on…wax off… 

300 Geniuses….1 Wonder Woman of the Keurig.